​January 3rd, 2023​

 

Dear Cony, 

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Today I went to get the scars on my chest removed. You never complained about them, but I wanted to look different these days. I don’t know why I want to look different, but something is just missing in me.

 

The nurse said I could handle so much pain; that I wanted to go under laser without any anesthesia. Maybe it’s the pain in the heart that takes up your mind from other matters. Maybe I am just a naïve person who underestimated pain. 

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I am sorry, Cony; I learned about your pain so late. I wish I had known how you felt. How much pain you must’ve gone through. I am so sorry, Cony; I am sorry I caused that to you.

 

If I could turn back time, I would do so much more differently the past few months. Not to love you less or not at all, but to love you more and all so more.

 

Forgive me, Cony; I never wanted to hurt you, for I love you more than anyone I have ever loved. I thought you knew that too.

 

I miss you, Cony